Occupation Enthusiast Gifts

"Get over it, Ted. Not everybody's cut out to be a fireman."

"Uh-Oh..."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

Dog's In Tray and Out Tray

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

New Memer/Incumbent

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'Get out there and keep your job!'

'I need to learn a trade... so I know what kind of work I'm out of.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"I hate all the paperwork there is with this job."

Surgery Instructions.

"We tried forming a collective - no leader, no structure, no power dynamics - but we just ended up flying in a circle over Winnipeg."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'Note to self: Buy little recorder.'

'I received matching offers.'

Business 101

R. Gelfin - The buck stops here, then gets buried in his pile.

'Of course you can make a great career here! Look at me - when I started working, I was just called 'dude'. Now, only 25 years later, they call me 'MISTER dude'!'

"And someday, when you're a little further up the corporate ladder, maybe we'll let you meet J.R. himself!"

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'