Vocation Enthusiast Gifts

'I thought I had a job for life...'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

Resume Dumpers

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

The world's most unemployable family

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher. Lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses."

'I need to learn a trade... so I know what kind of work I'm out of.'

'Get out there and keep your job!'

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

Burning love

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'I received matching offers.'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

"And someday, when you're a little further up the corporate ladder, maybe we'll let you meet J.R. himself!"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

'Of course you can make a great career here! Look at me - when I started working, I was just called 'dude'. Now, only 25 years later, they call me 'MISTER dude'!'

"I see, Mr. Pipkins, we're back on the bourbon and smoking through glazed doughnuts."

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

"You feel like a gatherer trapped in a hunter's body?"

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

"Maybe we apply as a group....crowdsourcing employment."