Job Search Sage Gifts

'Any other counter-terrorism experience besides driving a junior high school bus?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Jack of all trades

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company

"Here at Global Com we're looking for people can 'think outside of the box'..."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Right now it's between you and two hundred and fifty other people who came to Seattle, moved in with five roommates, joined a band, took a job in a coffee bar, got fed up, had a meeting with themselves, and decided it was time to go out and find a real job."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."