Job-hunting Daredevil Gifts

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

Urine Catcher

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'Do you have an appointment?'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

'But Mum, I've got to practise if I want to join a circus when I grow up!'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

Employment demands

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."