Job-hunting Daredevil Gifts

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

Urine Catcher

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

'But Mum, I've got to practise if I want to join a circus when I grow up!'

Employment demands

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

'Just between you and me, Roy, I don't know how much long I can keep doing this company lightening-rod thing.'