Job Description Critic Gifts

Employee effectiveness

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Final words on gravestones.

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"You'll never believe who's here."