Testing Critic Gifts

If students are more than a test score why aren't teachers?

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Final words on gravestones.

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

Samuel Beckett

"You'll never believe who's here."

Seamus Heaney

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"