Job Continuity Gifts

Johnson was happy when his temporary contract was extended.

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'Manager. . . Commander. . . Chieftain. . . King!'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Work Parfait

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with dignity and respect. Now get you and your stupid face out of my office."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'