Job Transition Gifts

'Someday I'm going to quite this dam job.'

Come over here.

'Quit if you want, Bowman, but the intellectual property stays here.'

'The good news is that we've created six new jobs...and the better news is that they're all yours.'

'I'm getting my resignation papers ready.'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"We managed to outsource our strategic development team to a company in Beijing that will say 'yes sir no sir' for 25% less."

"I've given you a glowing reference, Hempson. And here's the disclaimer to go with it."

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'Due to the threat of litigation, I can only confirm that he worked here...if THAT'S what you want to call it.'

'Do you spell 'riddance' with one 'd' or two?'

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'My job was replaced by an app. What's more humiliating, it was a free app.'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'You're a credit to this firm, Miss Button and through no fault of your own you're also a liability.'

"My leaving Wilkins & Jennings was perfectly amicable. They felt that I should be fired, and I agreed."

Caged Businessman

"I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people."

"Congratulations! We've cancelled that non-compete clause of your contract and you're free to go work for the competition."

"How long have you been with the company, Sidney - not counting tomorrow?"

"I always cry at mergers."

'The vicar suggested an appropriate piece for next Sunday might be the Voluntary 'Redundancy'.'

"I'm sorry Henderson, your department has been eliminated cause of this new app!"

Meet the new factory manager.

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"I'm taking some time off to get away from the stress. See you in ten years."

'Once the decision to terminate employment has been made, Personnel acts quickly.'

"Thanks for the 'Good luck on your new job search' card. Bust I wasn't aware I was looking for a new job."

Ace headhunters.

'Me, I took the voluntary redundacy.'

'Huggins, our goal is to go green, so we're replacing you with this plant.'

'Do you prefer rosy rhetoric or the plain truth that I'm firing you?'

"Think outside the office."