Job Transition Gifts

'Someday I'm going to quite this dam job.'

Come over here.

'Quit if you want, Bowman, but the intellectual property stays here.'

'The good news is that we've created six new jobs...and the better news is that they're all yours.'

'I'm getting my resignation papers ready.'

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"We managed to outsource our strategic development team to a company in Beijing that will say 'yes sir no sir' for 25% less."

"I've given you a glowing reference, Hempson. And here's the disclaimer to go with it."

'My job was replaced by an app. What's more humiliating, it was a free app.'

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Due to the threat of litigation, I can only confirm that he worked here...if THAT'S what you want to call it.'

Caged Businessman

"My leaving Wilkins & Jennings was perfectly amicable. They felt that I should be fired, and I agreed."

'You're a credit to this firm, Miss Button and through no fault of your own you're also a liability.'

"Congratulations! We've cancelled that non-compete clause of your contract and you're free to go work for the competition."

"I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people."

"How long have you been with the company, Sidney - not counting tomorrow?"

"I always cry at mergers."

"I'm sorry Henderson, your department has been eliminated cause of this new app!"

Meet the new factory manager.

'The vicar suggested an appropriate piece for next Sunday might be the Voluntary 'Redundancy'.'

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'Once the decision to terminate employment has been made, Personnel acts quickly.'

"I'm taking some time off to get away from the stress. See you in ten years."

"Think outside the office."

'Me, I took the voluntary redundacy.'

'Do you prefer rosy rhetoric or the plain truth that I'm firing you?'

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

'And this is Tony, our company's loose cannon.' 'We've met.'

"I'm at the point where I find mixed signals reassuring."

Ace headhunters.