Career Transitioning Gifts

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

'It's a shame, he has MASSES of experience.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

Others will fight for you

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

Work/Life Balance

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

Work Parfait

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with dignity and respect. Now get you and your stupid face out of my office."