Career Transition Gifts

"At least you didn't get the axe."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

Man to man about man at desk being watered: 'A bit of nurturing and he should grow into the job nicely.'

"Take the severance package, Hayward. The rest of the board wanted a ritual slaying."

'You've changed.'

"Henry, I'm beginning to think we're on different career paths."

"I used to lose my secretaries because they were getting married - now they leave to start their own companies."

'It appears we've accidentally laid off all the people who 'do' things.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Silk route' and 'rather course woolen route' in a desert.

'We'll keep your application on file and if we ever lower our standards...'

'Looks like your spell check was turned off when you prepared your resume.'

Climbing to the top.

"We only hire temps, and you have a look of permanence about you."

"We need a dedicated team player. How are you at toiling in obscurity?"

'All those in favour of accepting more robots?'

'Would you prefer a quick termination or a slow, painful phaseout?'

The Next Big Thing/ The Next Best Thing.

"I've had a lot of free time this year."

"Mr. Herman, you made me laugh and you made me cry, but you didn't make me money."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'And this last chart illustrates why none of you are here anymore. Questions?'

"Brodman, after giving it much thought, I've decided to let you go for no apparent reason."

Slot machine - Early retirement.

He was forced to take early retirement.

'You must be the one inquiring about the 'temp' position...'

"We've decided, Carmichael, to give you back to the community."

'Long term I want to enhance my leadership skills and ascend the corporate ladder. Short term I want to enjoy a mocha latte.'

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

"That's it, I quit. I don't know how anyone can stand working under you."

'I'm glad you had the courage to speak up. Now I know who to fire.'

'Power suits are great for up-and- comers. For you, I recommend the wrongful dismissal suit.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."