Job Club Regular Gifts

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

Zombie standup

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

AA Meeting Here Today

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"What's your occupation?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"The only thing worse than being unemployed is having a job."

Opp'y of a Lifetime

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

"You look a lot better on paper than you do online."

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

'Should I call the auto club of the coast guard?'

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

'You've got the flying reindeer, elves, and a cheery laugh - have you ever considered being Santa?'

"I don't interview well."

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'John, this is where you should declare your underlying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'Nothing doing folks, except ? surprise, surprise ? here's another for you, Desert Island Bloke.'

Open entrance door to find exit door directly behind it.

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

Freddy Starr died here.

Monet At Open Mic Night