Job Change Jester Gifts

The breakup

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

Born In Captivity.

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'