Job Change Jester Gifts

The breakup

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'Manager. . . Commander. . . Chieftain. . . King!'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

Born In Captivity.

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'