Jittery Lover Gifts

Barry's fear of commitment crops up again.

"I love you, you big fool."

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

"Apart from that, Bob, what else did you learn on the team-building paintball weekend?"

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

'Oh Gloria, I love you with all my heart, part of my liver and most of my lower intestine.'

Coffee-Rex: Even more irritable than a Tea-Rex.

"I'm gona level with you, Judith, I've spent some time in the pen."

'I even love the way you snore!'

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

'Huge waves, loose shorts and a body like a gourd. I was never going to make it through summer without a serious privacy breach.'

"Hello, my Baby! Hello, my Sweetie! Hello, my Ragtime Gal..."

"Your being boring, stuffy and predictable is part of your charm."

A lumberjack balances a felled tree on his axe

"This part of space feels especially weird right now."

"Decaf, Sid?"

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

'I had a wonderful evening, Oswald but this wasn't it,I'm afraid!'

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

"Ooh, this one sounds interesting, 'Single, vegetarian, bulbous, with moves like a lava lamp'."

"What did you expect from a budget airline?"

Your shoulders are like silk. For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.

The British Society of Campanology...

"My husband took the kids to Disneyland for the weekend, so the 'happiest place on earth' is actually right here."

Graves: Ernest Moss Ventriloquists. . . 'Georgie'

'Tonight'sTopStory:Somebodydummpedcaffeineinthecity'swatersupply!'

"I found you running wild. Ungroomed and lacking social skills. Today, you're a trophy partner."

"He has a limited vocabulary - but boy, can he kiss..!"

'You're a nice guy and all that, but I'm looking for somebody more symmetrical.'

"Any family history of ragtime?"

The M.R.I. of Love

'Yes, we do deliver to golf courses. What hole are you on?'

Stimulus Hunger: 'Every now and then, Roger likes to cut himself off from all stimulus.'

'Cool huh? My wife bought it at a yard sale.'