Jetlag Pillows

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

"Business doesn't take a summer vacation."

Airlines

"First class, or with children?"

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

'Are we there yet?'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

Travelling

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

A private jet takes off

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Private Jet

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

'He must be going economy!'

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Airport Bored Rooms

"These shades are GREAT-I dreamt I was in Tahiti!"

'Bye dear! I'll have another nice reindeer steak ready for you when you get back.'

Two airplanes

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

'We like to spend 51 weeks of the year at our Florida holiday home...'

'But, I have only one item of hand-luggage... You can't charge me extra...'

Travel Agency: Pacific time cures all ills.