Jetlag Gifts

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Airlines

"Business doesn't take a summer vacation."

"First class, or with children?"

Fighter Jet Sneeze

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

'Are we there yet?'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

Travelling

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

A private jet takes off

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Private Jet

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

'He must be going economy!'

Airport Bored Rooms

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

"These shades are GREAT-I dreamt I was in Tahiti!"

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

'Bye dear! I'll have another nice reindeer steak ready for you when you get back.'

Two airplanes

'We like to spend 51 weeks of the year at our Florida holiday home...'

'But, I have only one item of hand-luggage... You can't charge me extra...'