Chronically Jet-lagged Pillows

'If it's jet lag when I fly east, why isn't it jet lead when I fly west?'

Travelling

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, and this is your captain siiinnngiiinnng."

"I don't know what's so funny. All I asked was whether this was their only flight today."

Fiji. London. Africa. Travel co. They say you can't take it with you --- but you can't go anywhere without it either.

"Yeah, it's a drag, but the only flight I could get was a red-eye."

"Oops! Sorry! Clocks forward, clocks back, immigration,migration. . . I never know whether I'm coming or going!"

Excess Baggage: The concept of electronic ticketing still has a few airline passengers spooked.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"Sometimes I think the captain doesn't appreciate the seriousness of military maneuvers."

'It's $15 to check a bag and $25 if you want it to arrive at your destination.'

Plane crash on football pitch.

"Damn it, Henderson, New York is still three hours ahead of us. Get on that!"

'When you said this was a three star hotel, I didn't expect to see them through a hole in the roof!'

"This is your captain. Welcome to Flight 112, non-stop service from Detroit to Tampa. For your enjoyment I made us a mix tape, which will begin shortly."

"Sorry I'm late, I was asleep when my alarm went off."

"It's OK, it's just pee."

Seniority Scanner App

'I decided not to migrate because I get jet lag.'

Left Luggage/Right Luggage

'Your luggage was accidentally sent to Singapore, sir, and you're being tried in absentia there for smuggling after-shave lotion.'

'But Sir we are still in port...'

Paper Aircraft

"Ohmygosh a bucket of perfect ice, how did you know?!"

Travel 1st class and avoid meeting your creditors.

'Bandit at one o'clock.'

'Bomb voyage Minister!'

"My kids are safely tucked away in the overhead bins."

"It was errible, another world, the noise, the crowds, the sense of despair. And that was just the airport."

"What's the point of getting over jet lag if she won't?"

Airlines - Arrivals - Departures - People kicked off flights due to overbooking.