Jet-setting Jester Gifts

"Sometimes I think the captain doesn't appreciate the seriousness of military maneuvers."

Cow Blue Arrows

"It's cheaper than coach, and he gets more legroom."

"How's my tripping you up?"

"I know by outward standard I'm successful, but a voice inside my head keeps saying, 'Where's your private plane?"

"I'm going to shoot some hoops with members of the Flat Earth Society."

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, and this is your captain siiinnngiiinnng."

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

"Have you decided where to travel?"

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

Man skated through airport with rollers on pull bag.

"It's me. I was going through a 'Bon Jovi Phase.'"

"We want to fly the friendly skies, but only with friendly fellow passengers."

"There it is again, that tapping..."

'And one more thing, while you're in Bangkok be careful of the ladies in Patpong district. They may not be all they appear to be.'

'Your excessive weight is a too-heavy carry-on and we must charge accordingly, excessively!'

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

Galley Christmas

'Wait, what's that on runway one?...Ok I got it, just another one of those budget carriers.'

Plane crash on football pitch.

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

'If you're going to send messages on the office intranet make sure you know who's going to get them.'

"So son, this is the no-fly zone I was telling you about: although they are trying to shoot clay pigeons, it is safer to avoid the area altogether..."

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

Excess Baggage: Anyone who think business travel is glamorous should have a talk with a business traveler.

'When you said this was a three star hotel, I didn't expect to see them through a hole in the roof!'

"There! Just like new!"

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

"As you'd expect, the control panel of a modern passenger jet is very complex."

Fiscal Responsibility

"Why yes, it is my last flight. How'd you guess?"

"We all like a little Robin this time of year."

Left Luggage/Right Luggage

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

'Your luggage was accidentally sent to Singapore, sir, and you're being tried in absentia there for smuggling after-shave lotion.'