Jet-set Lover Gifts

'I'm tired of being a jet-setter. I want to settle down, raise kids, run my own airline...'

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

'You bought an F-14 equipped with an internal 20 mm vulcan gatling-type paintball gun? I think you might be taking this paintball thing a little too seriously!'

"Hell: The Airport"

Dog on a plane.

"I know by outward standard I'm successful, but a voice inside my head keeps saying, 'Where's your private plane?"

'Round-the-world ticket please!' - 'One way?'

"Have you decided where to travel?"

'The real fun comes when we go through airport security.'

'Due to company cutbacks, you won't be getting that raise. However, to earn extra money, I can hire you to wash my corporate jet.'

Airshow.

'Well, you did insist that our travel agent find the cheapest tickets to Hawaii.'

"And here's where we keep our more serious cases of Trip Trading Addiction."

'And one more thing, while you're in Bangkok be careful of the ladies in Patpong district. They may not be all they appear to be.'

"Any chance of an upgrade?"

'Man, this living out of a suitcase is getting old!'

Plane crash on football pitch.

Flight nap

'Can you recommend someplace where nothing is expected of us? Wilbur can't stand pleasure of any sort.'

Excess Baggage: Anyone who think business travel is glamorous should have a talk with a business traveler.

"This is your captain. Welcome to Flight 112, non-stop service from Detroit to Tampa. For your enjoyment I made us a mix tape, which will begin shortly."

'Why isn't there zero tolerance to drugs and alcohol?'

'Want to buzz the airport?'

"Cynthia! Bridle your enthusiasm."

Fiscal Responsibility

"Milan, Rio, Sydney, Oslo - I never know when he's going to jet off next."

"Why yes, it is my last flight. How'd you guess?"

"Whatever you hit Captain it wasn't a bird. The only thing I can see in here is lot s of wrapping paper, broken toys and shattered antlers."

"Our gold-plus members get live-streaming of economy class so you can see how cramped and irritable they are."

The Many Faces of Bev

'And the purpose of your visit?' - 'To find my luggage.'

"I sometimes wonder if these kids really live in the catchment area"

'Not only has my luggage been to more places than I have, it's stayed longer in some places.'

Tell me about your travel extras please. Airport tax,security charge,fuel levy and customer nuisance surcharge.