Jet-setters Gifts

"I sometimes wonder if these kids really live in the catchment area"

'Round-the-world ticket please!' - 'One way?'

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"Hell: The Airport"

Passenger profiling takes a new turn.

Flight nap

'Want to buzz the airport?'

'Why isn't there zero tolerance to drugs and alcohol?'

"I'm already suffering jet lag and I haven't gotten on the phone."

"Our gold-plus members get live-streaming of economy class so you can see how cramped and irritable they are."

"Any chance of an upgrade?"

Airlines

"Business doesn't take a summer vacation."

"First class, or with children?"

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

Fighter Jet Sneeze

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

'Are we there yet?'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

Travelling

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

A private jet takes off

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Private Jet

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

'He must be going economy!'