Jetsetter Gifts

Airline Mergers.

"Attention passengers...all delayed flights will be delayed."

'We want to see all the sights before climate change makes southern Europe uninhabitable.'

"You have one billion frequent flyer miles. No wonder you list our airport as your business address."

"And in the event of the service charge taking your breath away, an oxygen mask will drop..."

'Please put your tray table and seat in their upright and locked position... ooh! Didn't say Simon Sez.'

'What makes you think our gate has changed?'

'I don't need to be fluent in French. I'm fluent in money.'

Airline concerns.

'You've got to admire their candor.'

'Yes, I can park it...but the gratuity just went up.'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

'We like to spend 51 weeks of the year at our Florida holiday home...'

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

"Do you have a seat in business with a view of economy?"

"Let me go get my manager and see if she cares."

"'We'll put it in the hopper, we'll put it in the hopper.' Do you realize how many things we've got in the hopper already?"

"I don't tolerate unruly passengers."

Bidding

"Nice try, but your friend can't fly as carry-on luggage."

"They said you wanted to talk to the one in charge?"

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

"I'm flexible, I can travel any time up until the 24th December."

"Terrible. It's just terrible. He's the third accountant I've hired to calculate my per diem."

"Hello? I can't talk right now! I'm on a plane! What?! No! Just leave some food in her dish! What?! I can't talk!"

'Hi, I'm a professional airport greeter. That'll be fifty bucks.'

"You're advised to check a small bag which you wouldn't mind losing as a sacrifice to the Gods of Lost Luggage."

'Babe! It's me! This isn't a layover!'

'...and that concludes the emergency procedures. Since we have a few minutes before take-off, how many of you are familiar with 'Amway'?'

'This is your lucky day, sir...today we pay you to fly and throw in a free set of dishes.'

'At least we're still in first class.'

Traveling with caution

"This is your captain speaking. All 264 of your passengers want me to make an emergency landing so you can use your electronic devices. Prepare for landing. . ."