Jailbird Joker Pillows

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

'So what's your recommendation? I suggest a tunnel.'

'Sorry Fred couldn't come Mum - he's busy writing his 'thank you' letters to the Jury...'

'...and don't you try getting time off for good behaviour.'

'There's a file in there - 40 GB - it's got all the family snaps on.'

'I was just hanging out... and they got me for indecent exposure.'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

"White Collar Prison"

"Regards from the kids, grandma, mom and pop, uncle Fred , Aunt Theresa and cousins Harvey, Flo and Niki. They all want to know where you hid the loot."

Sweet Jailbreak

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

Man escaping prisoner via feng shui

Love in prison.

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

Break-ins by the Masochist Society

Con Artist.

"I believe thr guv'nor used to own a boarding house in Blackpool."

And for sport we've goot a spittoon.

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

'There. Now you have the job security you've always wanted.'

"It's no good you hiding, Whacker. Your release date's today and that's final!"

"I froze all your pastry dough."