Jailbird Humorist Pillows

'I got 2 years for filing false returns, but I did save a bundle by doing my own taxes.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

"I consider myself fortunate. All the guys I grew up with are either dead or attorneys."

Okay, but next year I get to sit by the window!

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

'We get three square-meals a day in here!'

'I didn't know that breaking campaign promises was illegal.'

'I was sure I'd gotten away with it. Optimism can add years to your life sentence.'

Con Artist.

'If you commit a crime when you're slow as molasses & leave a trail of slime you're going to do some time.'

'There. Now you have the job security you've always wanted.'

'I stole someone else's identity. How was I to know he was on the ten most-wanted list?'

"You've got a lot of nerve, Lefty. . . using your one phone call to call a locksmith!"

"I tried to steal a catalytic converter off an electric car."

"Okay, okay, I get it now. This is your way of saying I did something illegal."

"Full board, you're joking! Think yourself lucky that breakfast is included."

"White Collar Prison"

Prisoner Crossing

Exhibition for Prisoners

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

Love in prison.