Jailbird Joke Lover Pillows

"It's taken us three years to tunnel out with these spoons... I was only sentenced to six months in the first place!"

"White Collar Prison"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

Love in prison.

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'