Jailbird Joker Mugs

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'So what's your recommendation? I suggest a tunnel.'

'Sorry Fred couldn't come Mum - he's busy writing his 'thank you' letters to the Jury...'

'That day was pretty bad! That day was awful! That day right there wasn't too bad. That day was okay. Oh, yeah, that day...it was horrible!...'

'...and don't you try getting time off for good behaviour.'

'There's a file in there - 40 GB - it's got all the family snaps on.'

'I was just hanging out... and they got me for indecent exposure.'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

"White Collar Prison"

"Regards from the kids, grandma, mom and pop, uncle Fred , Aunt Theresa and cousins Harvey, Flo and Niki. They all want to know where you hid the loot."

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

Sweet Jailbreak

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

Love in prison.

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

Man escaping prisoner via feng shui

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

I don

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'

"I believe thr guv'nor used to own a boarding house in Blackpool."

"I froze all your pastry dough."