Jail Visitor Humorist Gifts

You never take me anywhere.

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prisoner Crossing

When staffing agencies screw up.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Convict Decor

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

'The Not so Great Escape.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

'Well, I hope you're a people person -- the prisons are very overcrowded.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''