Jaded Joker Pillows

"*One more thing, no doubt."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

Get crazy once in a while

Joust Sharpener

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

Veloci-Rapper

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"Repeat after me..."

Complaints Desk

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Unicyclist painting a ceiling.

'George, stop playing with the children.'

"What did I tell you about practicing on the cat?"

'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

Here lies BoBo the Clown

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'