Caffeinated Joker Pillows

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

"A barista should always follow his instincts."

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

Jim's Smart Kettle

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"The 'Ex' huh?"

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

'I thought you needed some exercise, so I packed 800 pounds of weights in your backpack.'

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

"What is this one - 'Two egg surprise'?"

"Okay, that's one pizza with all our toppings and one without."

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"