Journal Joker Pillows

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

Get crazy once in a while

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

Santa's Helpers

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

Complaints Desk

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

"Repeat after me..."

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

'The most moving part, for me, is when they explain how to fuse the main pipe to the power hose.'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'