Jaded Jokers Pillows

Born Cynical,,,,

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

Photobooth Photobomb

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

Bill Johnson 1914-2000: Server Timed Out.

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

Musical Accidents

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"At least you made it into the hallway."

"We're having a problem naming him. All the domain names we like are already taken!"

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

'You say you saw my client do it. OK, but what if the jury doesn't believe you? Try to think outside the witness box.'

I was found guilty, eight of the jury were my ex-wives.

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

'And make sure you use the AUTOMATED teller, you old goat!'

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

The Jury Decides.

'I don't think the posts online are for scratching.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

'As to my clients guilt... let me be perfectly vague.'

"Oh, bugger!"

"This plea bargaining has really gotten out of hand!"

Gift Suggestions for Post-Diamond Wedding Anniversaries

'I think I'll walk to work today.'