It Department Staff Gifts

'No, they're not kids on a field trip. They're from our IT department. They seem to be getting younger and younger these days.'

"Is it just me or are IT getting younger?"

Computer engineer who doesn't know what he's doing.

"You from IT?"

"Oh, Him? That's our IT guy."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

'I sense we might be having a problem with our appointment scheduling.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

The suggestion box.

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

Man with post it note

"Staff are overworked, we need a new work life balance. Have ideas on my desk by Monday."

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

What Does God Know?

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

"This is our new head of conflict resolution."

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'