Accounting Department Staff Gifts

"When did hunting and gathering move next to accounting?"

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Multi-tasking.

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Busy office.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

'I sense we might be having a problem with our appointment scheduling.'

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

Sales.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.