Finance Department Staff Gifts

"What comes after zillion?"

'Due to budget cuts, the Finance Department says after you finish the resection can you fix the tap?'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

Expenses/Income. "Our only problem is working out how to switch these."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

"This guy might like fiddling with numbers, Dad – but is he any good at sums?"

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"This is our new head of conflict resolution."

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

"Oh, Him? That's our IT guy."

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

Imagine there's no office...

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

Yanis Varoufakis and Wolfgang Schauble

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

'Sorry to trouble you , sir , but did you remember to sign my expenses ?'

'If the universe and everything in it is expanding, how come our budget gets shrunk all the time?'

'I'm putting you in charge of past due accounts.'

'Remember, the best things in life are free. Our job is to acquire them and sell them back to the public.'

'We live in hard times and as the finance minister, I've got to take hard decisions. Now, where's the kids' piggy bank?'

"Ideally, we're looking for someone who can handle change."