Irony Collector Pillows

'You seem to be suffering a reaction to the amount of medication you're taking. I'll see what I can prescribe for that!'

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

Well, you're in luck! Even though you're totally overqualified for the job, that's balanced by all the horrible things your references said about you.

'I you hadn't written the car off. . . I could visit you more often.'

'Amazing! I thought they were more or less extinct!'

'Tell you what - you've really caught the sun to-day.'

"Cheer up, mate, it might never...oh, God!"

Aggression Therapy Seminar

"This school discriminates. Did you know if you don't turn in homework, you can get an 'F'? These unfair policies obviously target the disadvantaged."

Climate-Conscious Cartoonists Work Without Paper!

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'Bert's dog training.'

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.