Ironic Vegan Gifts

"Harley's always been into plant based eating. He plants his base in a chair and eats!"

"States of tofu"

"Two vegans, please."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

The vegan hunter

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

I guess I outta take science classes if I'm really going to help the environment. What for? You want to be a famous actress

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

Hudson River Crouton

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

"It's not addicting, all natural, recycled and plant-based...it's cud!"

Too Much SOY

Cybervegan Caf

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"