Ironic Vegan Pillows

"Harley's always been into plant based eating. He plants his base in a chair and eats!"

"States of tofu"

"Two vegans, please."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

The vegan hunter

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

Hudson River Crouton

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

"Complaining empowers us."

Too Much SOY

"It's not addicting, all natural, recycled and plant-based...it's cud!"

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'