Ironic Turkey Fan Gifts

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Backfire

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

Winter Weather.

"Nice haircut."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

'It's not what you think. It's not about our liberation.'

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

'I don't know how I could've forgotten my lines. I was all ears when they gave them to me.'

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

Guide dog with eyesight proplem.

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

"Never say you're stuffed!"

Squanto's less than famous older brother Squinto.