Ironic Turkey Fan Gifts

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Backfire

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Winter Weather.

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

"Nice haircut."

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

'It's not what you think. It's not about our liberation.'

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'I don't know how I could've forgotten my lines. I was all ears when they gave them to me.'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

Guide dog with eyesight proplem.

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

"If you don't start misbehaving, there won't be any Halloween candy for you."