Ironic Shaver Gifts

'All finished. Just the way you like it.'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

Twenty Blades Razor

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

'How am I ever going to be able to practice my first aid if you insist on using an electric razor?'

'I've taken my knowledge of science and math and applied them to fashion to produce a wardrobe that's guaranteed to malfunction to get you the most possible publicity.'

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Chapter 3. Andrew's scheme backfires.

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

At a business management library one section is labelled 'self-help' another is 'outsource others.'

"I never appreciated having a cat until I lost my hair."

'Venison steaks for a year! Now, Mikey will tell you the bad news.'

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

Young Che Guevara contemplates a career in t-shirt design.

"This still life is an example of the use of irony in postmodern art."

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

"I've finally kicked my vaping habit."

Downcycling with Debbie

'The bizarre etiquette of entertaining: the smaller the group the worse the food.'

I shaved my head before clipping season so the sheep feel we're in this together. Shear and shear alike!

'Well I'd love to stay and chat, but this is one of those 'get things done' days.'

'The Raffia Mafia.'

'Gloria, I want you to meet my significant other.'

'I really should consult a dietician. My idea of preparing healthy food is to blow the sugar off a donut.'

Footballer uses the ref's foam to shave.

'I fired them all. 2.437 of them. I'll go it alone.'

"We don't need menus. Just pick the healthiest dish you have and give it to us deep fried."

"The cook book was fantastic, now do you have a good dieting book?"

"Really, you're afraid of needles?"

"Just once, I'd like to have a great big, juicy steak!"

'Frozen dinners have more calories if you heat them up.'