Ironic Shaver Pillows

'All finished. Just the way you like it.'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

Twenty Blades Razor

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

'I've taken my knowledge of science and math and applied them to fashion to produce a wardrobe that's guaranteed to malfunction to get you the most possible publicity.'

'How am I ever going to be able to practice my first aid if you insist on using an electric razor?'

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Chapter 3. Andrew's scheme backfires.

"I never appreciated having a cat until I lost my hair."

At a business management library one section is labelled 'self-help' another is 'outsource others.'

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

'Well I'd love to stay and chat, but this is one of those 'get things done' days.'

Downcycling with Debbie

'Gloria, I want you to meet my significant other.'

'The Raffia Mafia.'

Young Che Guevara contemplates a career in t-shirt design.

"I've finally kicked my vaping habit."

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

'The bizarre etiquette of entertaining: the smaller the group the worse the food.'

'I really should consult a dietician. My idea of preparing healthy food is to blow the sugar off a donut.'

Footballer uses the ref's foam to shave.

"We don't need menus. Just pick the healthiest dish you have and give it to us deep fried."

"The cook book was fantastic, now do you have a good dieting book?"

'I fired them all. 2.437 of them. I'll go it alone.'

"Really, you're afraid of needles?"

'Frozen dinners have more calories if you heat them up.'

'It's a well kept secret but actually John and I are closet agoraphobics.'

"Just once, I'd like to have a great big, juicy steak!"