Ironic Motivator Gifts

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

Keep Fit.

'Thank you, Leo. Nothing like a roar to get us going in the morning.'

'I knew it was time to do something when I leapt from the stage to do some body surfing and the crowd parted.'

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

'If he applies himself, there's no limit to what he won't be able to accomplish.'

"The thing is, you have to really want to change."

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

'And one, and two, and three, and don't get discouraged Manatee, and four, and five...'

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

Meet The Ghostwriter

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'You've cured my insufferable conceit, Doc -- now I'm perfect!'

'Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'

"The doctor told him to exercise more, so he jogs to the pub."

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"Remain calm and list your goals in order of priority."

'According to this list, this list is ranked #4 on the greatest lists of all time.'

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

An ironic epiphany: "Wow, right, AS IF!"

The Dungeon

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

"I eat green but I don't vote green."

'There's something about being locked up with a 500lb gorilla, highly allergic to cigarette smoke, that works every time.'

"It was all that running around town buying diet books that achieved my weight loss."