Ironically Motivated Manager Gifts

Vegetate.

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'This is impressive, Roberts, but I'm not sure that it qualifies as work-place leadership.'

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Course 'Management Skills and Employee Motivation', 09 AM - 05 PM, No breaks!

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

'We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff we employed to improve efficiency.'

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

'Now THIS is my idea of a creative department.'

'If hired, where do you see yourself with the company in five years?'

"See these? Never touched a keyboard."

'I can't talk now. I'm in the annual meeting.'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

"What? We owe our big profits to our motivated workforce and not our shareholders? Why wasn't I told this??"

'This is where we bring people we're thinking of hiring as decision makers.'

"And that's where we fired Jeff."

'Ms Jenkins, please inform the 3rd floor I've decided to fire them. And tell floors 4, 7 and 9 that they're next if they don't get it in gear.'

'C.J will see you now.'

Dippy secretary.

Boy holding power doesn't want to share.

'I'll take your collective silence as agreement. You may now remove your gags and muzzles.'

"With so many employees, it's hard for me to remember their names. That's why I always carry a bar code reader."

Microbe manager.

'This is our boss' desk. If you ask me, it's an ego thing.'

Everyone seemed more relaxed after the Down Skill & Dumb Up seminar.

"You know, Baldo, I started moving up in the world when I realized my boss is really bad at what he does."

'I'm way too young and inexperienced to be your boss, Simpkins. Therefore, I'm holding you fully responsible for all my mistakes.'

"Good job jumping through hoops for me. Now set them on fire."

'My door is always open to all employees, but only until my air conditioner is repaired.'

"This is Harold. . . He's in charge of office merriment."