Laughing Manager Gifts

Everyone seemed more relaxed after the Down Skill & Dumb Up seminar.

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'This is impressive, Roberts, but I'm not sure that it qualifies as work-place leadership.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

'Now THIS is my idea of a creative department.'

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

'If hired, where do you see yourself with the company in five years?'

Becky Thornmorton: The most popular girl at Central High's annual Easter egg hunt.

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

"See these? Never touched a keyboard."

'There's been another management shake-up. The former global sales manager is now head of Europe, and the old head of engineering is now head of purchasing.'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

Learn to Laugh at Yourself

'I can't talk now. I'm in the annual meeting.'

Vegetate.

'Ms Jenkins, please inform the 3rd floor I've decided to fire them. And tell floors 4, 7 and 9 that they're next if they don't get it in gear.'

'C.J will see you now.'

'It' his supervisor.'

Dippy secretary.

"When he goes outside to smoke, don't let him back in."

'I'll take your collective silence as agreement. You may now remove your gags and muzzles.'

Microbe manager.

'This is our boss' desk. If you ask me, it's an ego thing.'

'I'm way too young and inexperienced to be your boss, Simpkins. Therefore, I'm holding you fully responsible for all my mistakes.'

"Good job jumping through hoops for me. Now set them on fire."

'My door is always open to all employees, but only until my air conditioner is repaired.'