Laughter-loving Executive Gifts

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"He likes it."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

Boy in toy car talking on phone.

'Interesting. At first, I didn't pick her as dominant.' - Child chairs meeting at Toys Inc.

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

You know what I like about our meetings? There's always more finger pulling than pointing.

I Have A Closed Mind.

"Not bad! ...For a duck."

"I'm sorry about your divorce, but you can't nest in the storeroom."

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'

"Mildred, who haven't I fired yet?

Man at important looking desk lined with quill pens gets ready to shoot one at a dartboard on his wall.

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

"Our founder was a real joker. That's the first silver dollar he ever glued to the floor."

'That, sir - that dismissive little hand wave? It's way too Enron.'

'May I play through please?'

"A fellow human being to see Mr. Driscoll."

"I think it's important that we look at this holistically."

"Mr. Kendall would like to see one of those flashes of oddball humor."

"Gentlemen, when I consider the mess we've made of this company, I can only commend our foresight in not investing any of our own money in it."

"They say you can't cheat an honest man. I say 'Bull'!"

'I'd like to see that smart aleck second grade teacher ask me if I have enough for the whole class now.'

"You've got mail! Also, Time, CNN, HBO, ICQ, Warner Bros, Netscape, Sports Illustrated. . . . ."

'The company has got a long term strategy. Let our successors in a few years clean up the mess we bring about today.'