Executive Laugh-seeker Gifts

'The company has got a long term strategy. Let our successors in a few years clean up the mess we bring about today.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"He likes it."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Our Board of Directors are really very fickle!'

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

'I appreciate recognition...but pats on the head are demeaning.'

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"Baxter, I've decided to take you off crisis management."

'Our efficiency expert's only recommendation was to continue his contract.'

"Thursday makes it ten years. What do you say we renew our merger vows."

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

"You must understand that my total confidence in this plan of yours depends strongly on one's definition of the words 'total' and 'confidence'."

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

'We'll wait until the ex-ceo's cigar smoke clears before beginning.'

I Have A Closed Mind.

"Profits must be down."

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'

'l leave worrying about taxes to those who pay them.'

'...and that's when I inherited the company. How about you? Who died and made you boss?'

"Not only is it not in speed dial, I don't even know Lee Iacocca's phone number."

"I'm under stress, Miss Gibson. Come in and bite my nails."

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

'Well, Higgins, today it's on you to do the most dangerous job here. You've got to feed the board of directors!'

"I'm sorry about your divorce, but you can't nest in the storeroom."

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'