Executive Joke-teller Gifts

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

'Our Board of Directors are really very fickle!'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

CEO.

'I appreciate recognition...but pats on the head are demeaning.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"We got the cactus account!"

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

'Our efficiency expert's only recommendation was to continue his contract.'

'I must be getting old. I remember when I could smell fear clear across the other side of the building.'

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"Pardon my glove."

"You must understand that my total confidence in this plan of yours depends strongly on one's definition of the words 'total' and 'confidence'."

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

"Thursday makes it ten years. What do you say we renew our merger vows."

Mirror Solves Problem of Down Trend in Sales 'Problem solved, J.B.'

"We're making progress."

I Have A Closed Mind.

"Profits must be down."

'We'll wait until the ex-ceo's cigar smoke clears before beginning.'

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'

'...and that's when I inherited the company. How about you? Who died and made you boss?'

'He's a Drunk-With-Power drunk...the worst kind!'

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

"Not only is it not in speed dial, I don't even know Lee Iacocca's phone number."