Ironic Laughter Enthusiast Gifts

Sad Humour

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

"Look! No hands!"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Emergency Phone.

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."