Ironic Hell-goer Gifts

"I can take the heat ... I worked in investment banking."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"From this you make a living?"

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Hellbillies.

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

Special Place in Hell...

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

Devil with Fire and Brimstone In-Trays.

'On a more positive note, your hot flashes will seem relatively cool.'

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

'It's another 'Wish you were here' postcard from my friend in Hell.'

Burning and Rotting In Hell Desk Organisers

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

"Well, I've finally gotten out of the office."

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

'I'm afraid you're going to have to stay with us for a thousand years, but your sins are tax-deductible.'

'This is why I had to pad my resume.'

'Five minutes, Jean-Paul.'

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

Angel Puppet.

The devil makes work for idle hands...

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'