Ironic Comedy Fan Gifts

Missing Chameleon

'We can't say they aren't learning. Twenty two of them have learned to call in sick.'

'Well ma'am essentially we freeze the client until a cure can be found, unfortunately Mrs.Butterball, I don't think there will ever be a cure for thanksgiving.'

"How can you sit there watching one commercial after another?"

St. Eustace

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Bad fake tan day.

Giraffe Umbrella

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

A Fairytale Update

Backfire

Vlad the Impala

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'