Iron-swinging Sage Gifts

'Oh what's the use? You don't know the course.'

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

Dog stretching before a walk.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

One way only.

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"There's everything you need to know about exercise in here." "Is there an osteopath's phone number in there?"

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

Captain Thomas Coram.

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Downward-facing dog vs upward-looking cat.

The perils of overwork.

'This course is a great ego builder.'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'Maybe I'm not a failure — maybe I'm just a late bloomer!'

"My stupid yoga mat is broken!"

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"It needs more old salt."

"It's not just his rapier wit that intimidates."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"I'm really having trouble dealing with the global pandemic,economic collapse and cancellation of my weekly yoga class."

"I can see by the sudden appearance of little dishes of hard candy in every room, Veronica, that we have finally entered our golden years."

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

'You're new at this, aren't you?'

Sooner or Later

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

"Sorry about that - just clearing my throat."