Investment Thrill-seekers Gifts

"Now I know this one's expensive, but just think how much negative equity you'll have to brag about when the market crashes."

"With this company, it's like 'Adventure Capital."

'Time to buy.'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Money pouring in for a 'Acme Doodad Company's IPO.

"My name's Edwin, and I'm addicted to risk."

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'

"Dow's up!"

"Stocks were bipolar today as delirious euphoria gave way to abject despair and back again."

An extreme sports biker as a baby.

Yomp Investments - Big risks sometimes means BIG BUCKS!: 'I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'...'

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

'A few days away from those sharks on Wall Street will make all the difference.'

'Tax considerations? Regulatory climate? Labor costs? - Hell, no! We're moving our headquarters cross-country because I feel like it!'

'He has the Big Cheese on his side - But the High Muckity-Mucks will be with us.'

It was a day of nosebleeds, stomach upset and right here, Dindley did a back-flip off his chair!

"Our stock is down. Start some rumors on Wall Street that it's going up."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

'This is Adventure Capital! You want Venture Capital two doors down.'

Stock Hurricane Ride

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

'And now, here's our own Ted Slimbuck to explain all those ups and downs in the stock market.'

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

Masochism for stockholders.

'He's chasing the market.'

'After I bought those stocks of Chinese companies, I felt greedy again in an hour.'

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

'Don't jump! The latest market sector bubble to burst is making a turnaround!'

'Don't jump Pumroy! Just remember: today's frantic selling can quickly become tomorrow's frantic buying.'

Hedge funds make billions from short selling Coronavirus stocks.

Economic