Investment Thrill-seeker Gifts

Aggressive investing.

"If you aren't adverse to risk, I can put you in an attractive Ponzi scheme."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'It was a dark and stormy closing bell...'

'After I bought those stocks of Chinese companies, I felt greedy again in an hour.'

'These days, the financial markets are dangerous for unexperienced small investors like you. That's why I'd suggest you to hire Tom. He's a professional stuntman'.

Attack of the Investment Zombie

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

First National Bank. Keep life exciting --- Ask about our variable rate, interest-only mortgages.

'Time to buy.'

"With this company, it's like 'Adventure Capital."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Money pouring in for a 'Acme Doodad Company's IPO.

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'

"My name's Edwin, and I'm addicted to risk."

"Dow's up!"

"Stocks were bipolar today as delirious euphoria gave way to abject despair and back again."

'A few days away from those sharks on Wall Street will make all the difference.'

Yomp Investments - Big risks sometimes means BIG BUCKS!: 'I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'...'

'Tax considerations? Regulatory climate? Labor costs? - Hell, no! We're moving our headquarters cross-country because I feel like it!'

'He has the Big Cheese on his side - But the High Muckity-Mucks will be with us.'

"Our stock is down. Start some rumors on Wall Street that it's going up."

It was a day of nosebleeds, stomach upset and right here, Dindley did a back-flip off his chair!

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

'This is Adventure Capital! You want Venture Capital two doors down.'

'And now, here's our own Ted Slimbuck to explain all those ups and downs in the stock market.'

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

Masochism for stockholders.

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

'He's chasing the market.'

Economic

'Don't jump! The latest market sector bubble to burst is making a turnaround!'